Me: (over my shoulder as IDIOT approaches on the right): Hey, pass on the LEFT!
IDIOT: What? Hi, good morning (in a flirtatious way).
Me: (in no mood to be put in danger by an idiot who think he's flirting as he pulls up on my right and starts to match my pace in the door zone): Hey, pass on the left! You're putting me in danger! It's dangerous to pass on the right! If I have to swerve, we're going to crash.
IDIOT: (laughing in an exasperated tone that says "whatever you don't know anything): What? Oh, hah. Listen I've been riding for 30 years. Just don't swerve.
Me: (looking at him like the IDIOT he is): No, I'm not going to swerve because I can't hold my line. If a car sideswipes me or I have to go around a pothole, I can't see you on the right, don't expect you there, we will crash. You're pushing me further into traffic. You're putting me in danger. If a car door opens, you're going to swerve left into me and I'm could get run over by a car after we crash. (note: I'm riding on the sharrows, which are just outside the door zone, and IDIOT is in the door zone).
IDIOT: I've been riding for 30 years. Just don't swerve.
ME: (thinking: do you want an iPhone 4 too?) Don't pass on the right. Safe cycling tells us to pass on the left. In your 30 years, you never learned the principals of safe cycling? (Note: IDIOT does not look older than 35. I'm assuming that he is counting his days on training wheels and riding around his childhood neighborhood as "cycling" days.)
You should note that after every reason I gave him for not passing me on the right and putting me in danger, the IDIOT laughed a "oh whatever" laugh at me, completely dismissing very valid reasons to practice safe cycling. He FINALLY finished passing me on the right (although I spent a good 3 minutes asking him to stop riding beside me in the door zone like a fool--didn't call him a fool to his face). I watched him ride in the door zone for about 2 miles, then he pulled off.
Being a cyclist for 30 years or 50 years or 75 years, doesn't give you the right to put someone else in danger. I'm guessing that if he drives, he drives the way he cycles, with no attention to road safety. And paying attention to road safety means paying attention to your safety and not putting others at risk. I'll have put 10,000 miles on my 3 bikes by the end of this year, I've done brevets of 200 plus miles, I've built my own bike, and I'm an active advocate and activist of the cycling community. None of that gives me the right to endanger anyone else. Unfortunately our exchange was not too pleasant, but I hope he'll become curious about the rules of safe cycling and maybe look up one of the handbooks online.
I don't believe in policing other cyclists, but if you put me in danger, I will let you know it. This usually means yelling at other cyclists: pass on the right and ride on the right side of the road. If I yell this at you, please know it's not because I'm a bitch or because I dislike you for some reason. I'm sure you're a nice person, just uneducated about safe cycling. But I'm still going to give you a mouthfull of why it's unsafe. So either stop doing it, or live with my tirade.